I have been a longtime advocate for openness and vulnerability, especially in relationships. I don’t want you to see my filtered life on social media, I want you to see my real life…because I need help and I need you sometimes. I need you to see the person operating my heart and mind, not the moving body parts that person controls.
Do you have someone in your life that can see through your fronts and help the little part of you that makes you who you are? Someone that knows you need a hug when you’re acting like a giant *#^%o$&?
In one of my all-time favorite songs, “Dig” from Incubus off the album Light Grenades (the idea that you can throw ideas at problems and positivity and good intention will overcome the issue), singer Brandon Boyd looks himself in the mirror saying:
“When weakness turns my ego up (when I act like a giant you know what) I know you’ll count on the me from yesterday.”
He goes on to openly confess to his friend or partner that he needs them. He says:
“If I turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me. Sing this song (do something to), remind me that we’ll always have each other when everything else is gone.” He is saying, “I’m unsure. I’m insecure right now. I’m scared. Will you be there?”
The next verse he sings:
“When sickness turns my ego up, I know you’ll act as a clever medicine. Oh, if I turn into another..”
So he has now done two things:
1. He went way out on a limb by telling someone close to him..yes someone with the potential to hurt him or to let him down..that he is acting a certain way because of this underlying thing. He asked for their help through his openness. He opened the door. He decided that while they do have the power to hurt him or let him down, he is choosing to believe the opposite could happen: that they will draw closer and help him.
2. Maybe the even harder part-he trusted them to do the right thing. He had already asked that person “hey, help me if I act funny..here is what I really need when I act this way..” then in the second verse he said, “I know you’ll act as a clever medicine.” I KNOW you’ll act as a clever medicine. I trust you.
When you let your guard down and do this, you get to experience the truth that people are generally good. That people are generally like a good God, who they were made like. When you trust someone and they come through for you, it changes your whole world because you feel a little love. When you feel a little love, you can give a little love.
1 Corinthians 13:7
Check out this beautiful song here:
In Craig Groeschel’s Leadership Podcast he talks about how to empower leaders around you, you have to do two things:
1. Provide clarity.
2. Trust them.
Check out this podcast here:
While relationships aren’t exactly a corporate leadership situation, you are a leader in far more ways than that. To have a successful relationship with your spouse or your friends, you have to be able to lead them to who you are and what you need.
Some relationships are wonderfully easy and people feel like they don’t have to do that much work with one friend or with an ex girlfriend, etc. so they ask “is my husband right for me? Is that really a good friend for me if I have to work at it?” It is not because that relationship was just a match made in heaven. No, it’s very likely because that person is/was intuitive enough to understand you without much direction. That is not common! If you have connection with someone like this make sure to let them know that you see what they are and you understand what they are doing. Tell them thank you. They will stay!
I hope that you all have that person or people in your life that knows your heart behind your actions. If you don’t, is there more you could do to open the door for people? Help those people digging at you to see what is really going on in there. Maybe one day they won’t have to dig and you won’t either. As a fellow human being and needy person, I encourage you to set that welcome mat out, say what is hard to say, defeat your pride, and see your relationships grow.